Favorable Temperatures

Seeds need water, oxygen, and proper temperatures to germinate. In last week's blog post, my seed of transitioning out of my classroom began getting its water. When I came back to school after my maternity leave with my son, I knew that I had changed. I no longer felt alive when I walked into my classroom. I no longer felt like I was on fire when I taught a lesson and my students enjoyed it. I just felt cold and antsy. I started to become cold to my students and I was downright rude to many of the people that worked with me.

I felt this need to preserve some of my energy so that I could be a decent mom when I came home. So I put up hard boundaries at work. For the first time in my career, I was walking out the door when my students were. I had already created a 9 week maternity leave binder with lessons and worksheets for my sub to do with my students so I decided that I was going to repeat that same work and effort for the rest of the school year since my classes rotated every 9 weeks anyways. I know that some of you reading this may think that was a smart thing for me to do and may not think anything of it but for me that was not how I normally did things in my classroom. I was always so excited to create new lessons, projects, or labs for my students. I was constantly wanting to "spice things up". Looking back I think it was my undiagnosed ADHD that played a huge part in that but who really knows.

That same year, the other ag teachers in my district and I were having some issues with our alumni chapter so we started working with one of our state ag ed staff members. In one of the meetings he asked us where we saw our FFA programs in 5 years. The other ag teachers had a list of things they wanted to accomplish with their chapters. These teachers were younger than me and really starting to kick off their careers so I was honestly so happy to hear that they had big dreams and aspirations. But when it was my turn, my mind went blank. I couldn't come up with a single thing that I wanted to do with my FFA chapter over the next 5 years. I think I said something along the lines of "I don't know what else to do with them that would be new". Bless that sweet man's heart, instead of thinking that I was a heartless ag teacher, he said "That's ok. It's perfectly fine to feel like the hard work of building your program is done. Now you can maintain and enjoy the fruits of your labor".

This should have made me feel so validated but it didn't. All I could think about was how I wanted more. I was feeling stagnant as a teacher. I had checked off my to-do list:

• Start teaching

• Get my Master's Degree

• Win teaching awards

• Start my own ag program

• Become a National Board Certified Teacher

• Coach students to place at National FFA Convention

• Start a school farm

I was on auto-pilot and I hated myself for it. Why couldn't I just "enjoy the fruits of my labor". What the heck was wrong with me?

They say that right before you turn another decade older you can feel a catalyst of change happening. Maybe that had something to do with how I was feeling at the time but there were so many complex layers to what I was going through that I can't blame or accredit (however you want to look at it) it on one specific thing. Just like seeds need more than one favorable condition to germinate, so does a person.

That fall semester, I made a decision that I was going to leave the classroom come hell or high water. When that greenhouse company posted a job that I was interested in, I applied immediately. When I went home that night it was like God was guiding my fingers to type out my cover letter. I didn't struggle with what to say, I just knew I wanted to be there. A few days later, I got my first phone call from them! When the recruiter completed my screening interview and started asking me about my availability for an interview with the hiring manager I didn't even think twice about my school schedule and if it was going to be an inconvenience to be missing a day of work. This was my career priority now so I took a personal day and had my first interview a few days later.

While the temperature outside was cold, the temperature for my planted seed of transitioning out of the classroom was just right. I felt that spark again. That spark of something exciting happening in my life. I wasn't positive that I had the job but I felt like God was letting me know loud and clear that He was in control. I went back to school after the day of my interview with a spring in my step...I was getting out of there and it was for a company that I was so excited about!

When a few more weeks went by and I hadn't heard anything from the hiring manager I decided to reach out just to see where they were at in the hiring process. That's when he responded with his decision to go with someone else but they were "trying to find the right fit for me" (Note to hiring managers, please stop doing this to candidates).

I was absolutely crushed. I felt like my magic carpet was pulled out from underneath me, the oxygen sucked out of my lungs, the wind taken from my sails...all of it. I had to go back to school after the holiday break and I was completely dreading it. I couldn't breath and my little seed was still missing its oxygen...it wasn't going to germinate after all.

After a couple of days sulking and licking my wounds, I knew that I had to pull myself together because I still wanted my paycheck. After Christmas break ended, I went back to my classroom but I was even more unhappy about the situation than before. So I came up with plan B.

A few weeks prior to all of this, I had the pleasure of attending the NAAE National Convention as a part of the Kentucky Master's Ag Teachers co-hort group. On the plane ride back home, I made a pros/cons list about being an ag teacher. When I needed to brainstorm what my plan B was going to be, I took that list out of my notebook and started coming up with ways that I could control my own destiny based on what I wanted out of a career and my life.

I really loved planning events for my school, FFA chapter, and my community. I had become pretty decent at it but no matter how great the event was or no matter how many hours I put into the event compared to my co workers, I didn't get paid anymore than if that event never happened. So plan B was conceived. I no idea what it was going to look like but God sure did.

Remember how I told you the kids had changed since the pandemic? I decided to pull back even more from my FFA chapter since my students weren't taking any initiative of their own. I was done doing anything extra in my classroom and after my contracted time was up. That winter I started to pour my energy into finally starting my own business. We had the rental business started but that was more of my husband's baby. So I took an Amazon gift card my mom had given me at Christmas and I bought a large indoor teepee with it and that is how my mobile glamping business got its start.

I still didn't know where this train was headed but I knew that God was conducting it and it was headed in the direction that I was wanting to go...and my warm and humid little seed was going with me.

The train ride continues next week,