How Seeds of Transformation Get Planted

Welcome back friends and nosy neighbors 😉. Last week I started to tell my story with my first blog post and some of you actually read it, so THANK YOU! Now to continue...

When this new greenhouse company started making waves in 2018, I knew I wanted to be a part of this journey. Their mission aligned with my core values and it was so exciting to think about all of the ways that I could be involved in their campaign for a better future in agriculture. I was already spending my days teaching students about our food systems, production agriculture practices, and how to be an educated consumer. I spent hours upon hours designing lessons and community events that would connect non-farming families to a real local farmer. I was determined to change the stereotype of agriculture for my students. I felt like God had given me a voice to advocate and I was fulfilling my purpose.

2018 was not only a big year for this new greenhouse start up company, but it was also a pivotal year in my personal world. Career wise, I was gearing up for what would be a transformation from newbie teacher to "seasoned" teacher that actually appeared to have this whole thing down. My Ag class went from a part time middle school program to a full time one that I was getting to build from the ground up! My students were so excited about the class and the experiences we were getting to have. The whole stereotype of FFA and Ag class was changing for our entire town. It felt like a revolution was happening and I felt like I was on fire...some days.

Other days I felt like something was wrong with me...something more than being a new mom. There were days where I felt like I couldn't do anything right. A kid was upset with me, a parent would lash out because their child didn't turn in their project, a colleague would make condescending comments when they would see what I was doing in class. I started to feel like I was never going to be good enough.

I started speaking with my principal about what I was going through (shout out to amazing bosses!) and he not only gave me affirmations but also made me feel validated in what I was feeling. He didn't shame me or make me feel guilty at all when I started to break down and tell him that I didn't think I could retire from this career field. Little did I know, that moment was when the seed of transitioning out of the classroom one day would get taken out of its packet.

Throughout that school year, I kept that metaphorical seed in my pocket. I continued to push down my feelings and just chalked it all up to postpartum issues and being burnt out. My program was growing and I realized that I was getting to check "Start My Own Ag Program" off my bucket list. I was getting to do things my own way and not being stifled by fellow co workers who would call me their subordinate (more on toxic workplaces later). I was feeling somewhat confident in my teaching abilities that I decided to apply for a professional award called "Early Career Teacher" for my state's agriculture educators...and I won!

If you remember in my first post, I talked about why I felt the need to apply for professional awards and accolades. I thought it was the only way to prove to everyone else that I was great at what I was doing. In a sea of fish, I wanted to be a dolphin (ok, that was a cheesy analogy but hopefully you're picking up what I'm putting down). But here came the hurricane, again.

After receiving my award in the summer of 2019, I felt re-ignited to start the year off. My daughter was getting easier now that she was a toddler and my body started to feel semi normal. I started the school year off in a much better mindset and was ready to hit the ground running with my students and ffa members. I had a great group of kids and my FFA chapter was one of the best group of young leaders I had ever had the pleasure of working with. I also noticed a shift with my students' parents. Now that I was a mom, I noticed that parents weren't so quick to berate me when they thought their child was being treated unfairly. It was like I was initiated into this secret Parent's Only club.

But then March 13th, 2020 came. The day is seared into my brain very similarly to the way September 11, 2001 is. That was the day teaching changed forever. I thought I was sending my students into a short school break like we sometimes did during Flu season. Boy was I wrong. When the first two weeks went by and we were changing up class expectations and getting everyone the supplies they needed to complete schoolwork at home, I felt this rush of panic and excitement. It was a weird emotional time to be navigating through. On one hand I wasn't sure of what to expect and just how serious things were getting with this pandemic. On the other hand, I was excited to get to work from home.

Sure, I missed my students but I was thriving at home. I didn't feel wiped out at the end of the "work day". I know that my experience in that phase of distance learning was different than a lot of my co-workers. I taught a "specials" class so my workload was nothing like that of core content teachers who's classes are prioritized over ones like mine. At first my FFA program was stripped to almost nothing as we were trying to work out the kinks of leading an organization from the computer. I was starting to feel like work and life were getting balanced.

Now that metaphorical seed that I had been carrying around in my pocket since 2018 had just gotten planted.

To be continued.