Sprouting Seeds

Last week I started to tell you all about my final year in the classroom. And if you've read the story so far you are probably thinking "this woman is crazy". I fully recognize how my story sounds like I couldn't make up my mind. One season of life I loved my job, the next season of life I was struggling to even come to my classroom. One day I felt like I was on fire and then the very next day I was an anxious mess and having panic attacks during my planning period. But you see, when a teacher makes the decision to leave their classroom, it doesn't happen overnight. When a teacher makes the decision to leave their classroom, it isn't without many nights of praying, crying, and reflection. Most teachers feel called to this profession and it becomes who they are, not just what they do for a paycheck.

To recap, in the winter of 2021-2022 I had came back to school after maternity leave with my final baby so I was a mess. I had been rejected from a job at the company I was dying to be a part of. And to top it off, I was starting a new business because I had decided to stop pouring my energy into FFA events when my students and co-workers didn't seem to care if they happened or not.

During this time of my life I felt like I was learning how to walk again. I would take a step forward and then fall. I was so confused with what I was going through, but at the same time I felt an energy shift around me. At school I was counting down the minutes til I could walk out the door for the day or counting down the days til the next break. But in my personal life, I was giddy and excited every time I would get a booking for one of my Glamping events.

My little business was taking off very quickly and there were several months when my income from this side hustle was enough to make me contemplate not returning to the classroom the following year. I felt like God was placing stepping stones in my life because I never imagined that my side hustle would go off the way that it did. It was like He was guiding all of it so that I could believe in myself again.

During the spring semester, my co workers that I was close with started asking me if I was coming back the following year. They knew how hard this year truly was for me. They started to see less of me after my contract hours, recognized that my FFA chapter was doing less and less, and then they began seeing that I was having more bad days than good ones. Their sweet souls were genuinely worried about me and while I was grateful for that, there were times when I felt extremely guilty for being so "selfish". They were struggling too but not all of them had the means to just walk out the door and not worry about their paycheck ending.

When it came time to sign my letter of intent to return to the classroom for the next school year, I panicked and talked myself out of leaving. I was so used to my steady paycheck and that's when it hit me. I was now only considering staying in the classroom for money. My passion for teaching agriculture education was completely dead. I ended up crying all weekend after this realization. I had officially became the kind of teacher that I said I would never become. I didn't care anymore about what happened in my classroom, I was only there for a paycheck. I was definitely not doing well.

However, a couple of weeks later, that greenhouse company posted an Operations Training Manager role and I decided to apply for it. Despite being turned down for a previous role just a few months prior, I still wanted to be a part of this start up company. This role seemed perfect for me, I could get out of the classroom but I could still teach agriculture. I started to see a very different path for myself being illuminated again. I applied for the role during my planning period and by the end of the school day, the hiring manager was calling me for a phone screening interview.

Fast forward 3 weeks and I was having my final interview. I could feel my little seed of transitioning out of the classroom beginning to sprout! The school year ended at the end of May and on June 1, 2022 I got the phone call for my job offer. I did it! I was getting to leave public education for the company that I desired to be at since 2018.

As a part of my job offer, I was able to start work after I wrapped up the few commitments I still had left with my FFA members. I finished out the majority of the season with my members showing pigs and I took a group of students and parents to Europe for an EF Tours trip. When my new boss supported me by giving me time to fully transition out of my classroom, that's when the nerves of starting a career in a new industry ceased. I hadn't felt respected by the last group of administration that I had as a teacher so this felt like the right thing to do.

Over the next year, I started to find "Shelby" again. I had a job where I was treated like an adult, I could work in a flexible environment so I could be there for my own kids when they got sick at school, and I was making more money than I ever could have made as a teacher with a Master's AND a National Board Certification.

However, the part of this story that I want to make sure people understand is that when a teacher decides to leave their classroom not only is it NOT an overnight decision but there is a period of grieving that takes place.

You see, when I decided that I was going to be an agriculture teacher, I was a freshman in HIGH SCHOOL! I felt like it is what I was meant to do in life. I felt like it was my purpose on this planet. So when I started to feel restless and like I needed to move out of the classroom, I told my husband that I could literally feel God pushing me in the direction of growth and that this new decade of life we had entered into was going to be a big one.

I had a 6 figure job at the company I had been excited about since they announced they were starting up in the town that I went to college in. I had the flexibility I was dreaming about and I felt like I had the energy to be the mom that I was wanting to be. And I was still getting to teach agricultural lessons to others. Life was good and my little seed was growing...but there was still something off about the whole thing...

The adventure of the Seed of Transformation will wrap up next week,